The Chosen One
by fasionista33
Summary: Suspense, drama, and lots of parachutes! Read and review please:
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys! Welcome to my story…. I know ur gonna love it. Cause its awesome. Why? You'll just have to read it to find out!**

Once there was a very special chipmunk. His name was Hairy Fluffernutter but we're not going to talk about him now. Right now, we're going to tell you about a different, less important family of chipmunks.

Once there was a tree. Inside that tree was bark, and inside that bark was air and inside that air was a chipmunk family. There was a family of chipmunks. There was a baby girl named Baby in this chipmunk family. Then there was the older girl and she loved pomegranates so much that her parents named her….Apple! Yes, that's right Apple. Her family was a little strange. Then there was a boy chipmunk(in case you got confused) and his name was Name(his parents lacked creativity). And the parents were named just as strangely as the Dad was named Mom and the Mom was named Dad (DON'T GET CONFUSED!).

This family of chipmunks had no idea that they were wizards. One day they found a letter in their tree, telling them that Apple and Name were going to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It was a little hard for them to decipher, because they couldn't read, but eventually they figured it out. They were so happy, they jumped out of their tree with their handy dandy parachutes. (that did not open! Mwhhahahha)

THE END

Now we'll tell you a little more about Hairy Fluffernutter(cause we know ur all dying to know!). this hairy fluffernutter **(MY STORIES HEAL YOU(a/n according to my sister) )** hairy fluffernutter was surprisingly BALD**(a/n hahahaha im hilarious I crack myself up).** He lived in the chamber of secrets and his best friend was the snake. They played chess together. Hairy always won, because he is the CHOSEN CHIPMUNK! Hairy had little spectacles that were in the shape of a star cause he is such a ROCKSTAR and he was the CHOSEN CHIPMUNK. (he knew with great power comes great responsibility). And his responsibility was to kill off the evil, bloodthirsty, hawk named Voldemort. He had a scar on his batootum(or butt for u vulgar people), that was the shape of a lightening bolt.

And then there were squirrels. The squirrels were pure bloods and the chipmunks were mudbloods. He got to Hogwarts via his handy dandy parachute.

(This time it opened.)

(Just kidding. It didn't.)

BUT luckily, Ms. Fluffernutter and Mr. Fluffernutter had a back up Hairy Fluffernutter. He was exactly like Hairy Fluffernutter but different….

One Hairy Fluffernutter's first day of Hogwarts he got trampled by squirrels.

THE END.

Just kidding. **(a/n this never gets old, does it? lol)**He did get stampeded though, but he lived because he is the CHOSEN CHIPMUNK and is therefore invincible. Then….dun dun dun….. the Drancster strutted in. **:OOOOO** He was one badass squirrel. He had a black worn motorcycle jacket with a studded necklace collar and Draco artfully shaved across his forehead. Hairy knew they were meant to be epic enemies. And there is only one thing to do when u meet ur mortal enemy….challenge him to a dance competition!

**Daaa duhhh daa duhnnnnnn! Suspense! Drama ! ohh la la ! **

**Stay tuned, cause next chapter is gonna feature some killer dance moves ! coffee grind? Bad disco? Shopping cart? Who knows? ****Read and find out! And Review! Reviewing is important! **

**Also, DID YOU GUYS KNOW ITS SHARK WEEK! YES THAT'S RIGHT, SHARK WEEK! OH MY MANITEES…..IM SOOO EXCITED.**

**The best episode is killer sharks…seven shark attacks in like a week!...DONT WORRY….unless u live in south Africa, then u should worry. Ya, don't go swimming at that beach which I –do- not- know- the- name- of! **

**Did u know that TIGER SHARKS are known for coming back to attack their prey again and again…so don't swim with tiger sharks pple**

**ALSO BULL SHARKS HAVE THE HIGHEST LEVELS OF TESTOSTORONE OF ALL THE ANIMALS IN THE WORLD!AND THEY ARE SO AGGRESSIVE THAT THEY WILL CHASE THEIR PREY ONTO LAND! YES, LAND! SO U R NOT EVEN SAFE ON THE BEACH…CRAZY RIGHT?**


	2. Chapter 2

OK SO THIS DANCE CONTEST WAS SERIOUSLY HEATING UP. (a/n RAISE THE ROOF!) FIRST HAIRY DID SOME SERIOUS DOUBLE DISCO. THEN MALAFOY IS LIKE "THAT ALL YOU GOT STUPIDNUTTER (A/N HE WAS NOT GOOD AT MAKING UP INSULTS). N THEN MALAFOY WAS SCREAMED "SHOPPING CART!" AND HIS 2 BUDDIES STARTED CHANTING "MALAFOY! MALAFOY! MALAFOY!"

IT WAS PRETTY INTENSE. (A/N sorry my caps locks got stuck lol). And then Hairy did the coffee grind and Malfoy was all, "Bring it!"

Then Bon and Bermione came onto the scene. "Balfoy, bur bso brurpid!" (Translation: Malfoy ur so stupid!) (a/n Bermione has a strange speech impediment in which she pronounces each word as if there's a b in front of it.)

Bon is just Bon. (no speech impediment. He does have a weird obsession with pickles though).

Then malafoy decided he really had to step it up, so he did a spinning headstand, but that took a turn for the worse. The dance competition abruptly ended when Malfoy tripped and broke his gross, gout infected foot. He broke his head and died!

JK!

But he did break his neck and had to be rushed to the ER. Hairy won the competition. The crowd picked him up and chanted HAIRY! HAIRY! HAIRY!

But then hairy hit his head on the ceiling and also had to be rushed to the ER! So Malfoy and Hairy ended up spending the ENTIRE day together. It was pretty great (a/n yeah, dude, that was sarcasm!)

Ok, so now, let's get to the good stuff. The day started off awesome. Hairy took a nice long shower and ate some Turkish pastries, which were absolutely delicious. Then he sauntered down to the great hall. Bermione was saying stupid stuff as usual. "Bon! Bop bobying bom bee!" (translation: Bon, stop copying from me!)

It was sorting day, so everyone was excited. Hairy was more excited than all of them, though, because he knew he was destined for greatness.

The great hall was decorated with cool stuff. The ceiling was like a swirling sky of stars and blackness. There was a big statue of a mermaid spewing water in the center of the hall, and a big portrait of Dumbledore with him looking all serious with his smoldering scowl.

Bon and Bermione were still bickering when Hairy ran into Malafoy. They spit some venom at each other, and then went on their separate ways. It was intense.

Then Dumbleigdoree walked onto the giant stage and with a great flourish of hands he whisked out the sorting hat. It was a crumpled old thing, with a crooked mouth and really big, purple eyes. Hairy decided at once that he liked this hat. It had class.

**Okay, and you totally think I'm going to tell you what house hairy gets put into. WRONG! You'll have to wait until next chapter, which I WONT POST UNTIL I GET AT LEAST 10 REVIEWS! All I got for the last chapter was one lousy review. At least 13 pple read my story(traffic stats don't lie my peeps). THAT'S SO RUDE! GIVE ME MORE! (also, just so you know, you should be reading this authors note in a British accent. If not, go back and read it again. It makes the message so much clearer. Thank you.)**

**GUESS WHAT, MY YOUNG GRASSHOPPER! I went to the BEACH and I'm still ALIVE! Yep, I'm no shark bait. **

**I'm now crying tears of chocolate, because Shark Week is OVER! Oh, my, someone get me a tissue! **

**Okay, I have to go brush my teeth and watch some obscure movie with my sister. Tootles, my little beasts! **

**Just kidding, you're adorable:D**


	3. sorting and flying rhinos

SPOLIER ALERT IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE 6TH OR 7TH HARRY POTTER BOOK DO NOT READ! And if u haven't read the books read them they r amazing!

Ok people I am seriously getting mad 43 hits(a/n omg I'm soooo awesome 43 hits beat that glassangelrose) and only 2 reviews come on people make me happy seriously just review it already no1 likes my story and you better be reading this in a British accent have you learned anything from the last chapter duh! NOW TO THE STORY

Chapter 3

Ok so hairy was like a jumping jelly**(a/n yeah that's right jumping jelly not jellybean)** ok so hairy was dead ….last ,don't worry not actually dead**(a/n im sorry if I made u erupt into tears of anxiety.)** OK then hairy's name was called he swayed up up the steps as everyone held their smell breath. The hat is placed upon his flea infested head. He was in

…...(oh the suspense but fear no more the answer is) HUFFLEPUFF. "WHAT" Hairy hollers "HUFFLEPUFF THAT SOUNDS LIKEA ANIMAL WHO WHO LIVES IN THE COUDS AND IS FUZZY "stutters Hairy

"Oh you mean you" exclaims Malafoy

"Bairy bo bou beed ba bice back"(translation: hairy do you need an ice pack)

"Why: said hairy

"For that burn" said Herminie the whole school erupts in laughter as harry pouts. Hairy puts up this whole argument with Dumbledore like "I'm the chosen one I'm distended to be in Gryffindor have you read the harry potter series THAT'S MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

"OH DON'T BRING THAT UP SHE KILLED ME I N THE 7TH BOOK" rows Fred

"ditto I mean I didn't even have a say in it" says Dumbledore then everyone was yelling things out who had been killed including Collin Crevey, Lupin and Tonks no one knows why they were there but they were. Then Fred suggested that they make a time portal to go back in time to save themselves and they all get into a huge discussion about it!

"OK THAT IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FANTABULOUS BUT U ARENT GOING TO DIE IN THIS STORY AND I AM STILL IN FREAKIN HUFFLEPUFF SO DID THAT SOVLE ANYTHING NO IT DIDN'T" screams Hairy.

"Bood bwing" (translation: mood swing) Bermine whispers to Bon

"I HEARD THAT BERMINE" yelps Hairy so Hairy demanded a recount on the hat so he sat down and the hat whispered to him "you know I was kidding about putting you in Hufflepuff if you had just waited for me to say Gryffindor instead of going on a rampage" hairy was just relieved he was in Gryffindor with his friends. The next person to be sorted was TheNakedWitch she was put in Ravinclaw she was genius but since she didn't want to go to wizard school her parents made her go so she screamed at the top of her lungs that was the call to her pet flying rhino. She hopped on with her bffl glassangelrose and went to Atlantice and not the one in the Bahamas the undersea one because they were secretly mermaids!**(A/n GASP) **

WELL THAT'S IT 4 TODAY MY YOUNG GRASSHOPPERS AND FYI WHOEVER REVIEWS MY STORY GETS PUT IN MY STORY AND TRUST ME THAT IS A HUGE HONOR AND IF YOU GIVE ME A GOOD REVIEW SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO YOU IF IT'S A BAD REVIEW WELL I THINK YOU GET IT BUT DON'T WORRY I WONT KILL YOU IM NOT MEAN CAUSE I LOVE ALL MY REVIEVERWS BECAUSE THEY TAKE THE TIME TO REVIEW ME GOOD NIGHT LAS ANGELOUS!REVIEW ME REVIEW ME REVIEW ME U WILL BE PUT IN MY STORY HAHAHAHHAHAA GLASSANGELROSE ME RANDOM READ IN A COCKNEY ACCENT U TOTALLY SAW THAT COMING!


End file.
